Sleep Is Gone

It’s already sunrise, so let’s get this over with. You know I sometimes wonder how powerful I can be, if it wasn’t for the constant sleep deprivation, the paralyzing pain, yada yada I already made a Lemmy post about it. Whatever, it hurts. It hurts to type this too.

In any case I don’t think it’s healthy to think of all the things I could do if I wasn’t so fucked, errr, disabled. Like um, if I didn’t have any legs, it wouldn’t be very healthy to say “Damn. I wish I had some of them legs.”, I think it’s healthy to think about the things I can do:

• I can like, talk, I can still use my voice, I mean even that hurts at some point, but it still works. About my throat, I have a running joke that it is rate limited.

Ok interesting thing about voice and pain, there’s a really cool programmer that uses their voice to control vim and write, uhh production ready code, like I’m not making fun of it, I just don’t know what production ready is, exactly.

• I can still listen to music, right now, I’m listening to a really fucking cool cover of Katatonia’s “Brave Murder Day”, the cover is by Draudr, hehe, they called the EP “Brave Draudr Day”. Speaking of Katatonia, they’re fucking amazing. I’m so gonna have a post about them.
• I can still see things, watch things, stare at things, blink & wink. You know the drill, although even that is kinda concerning as my eyesight keep getting worse, so I don’t know. I sometimes think of what I’d do if I lost my eyes, maybe I’ll become a musician. I don’t know.
• I can still think, well, to a limited degree anyway. Imagine hearing a constant, ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding, (like that car ding when you forget to close the door properly) in your brain because you’re experiencing pain, pain that shouldn’t be acknowledged by the brain in the first place! But no matter! I am a Flesh Golem.

So umm good luck to yall pain people out there, I guess don’t be defined by your pain and stuff, but don’t be ashamed to broadcast it I guess. I feel you, I really do, I feel your pain and I know how awful it can be, both mentally and physically. Here, have a hug!

School Is Coming Up

Yeaaaaaaaah. her voice trails off. This isn’t gonna be fuuun at all. Not only would I have to wake up early, lol wake up, as if I’d get any sleep anyway! But I would also have to use my brain. Not looking forward to that at all, but I hold the Iron Grudge, I’ll try to stay afloat. Humans can do wonderful things when they put their minds into it! (But also they break really really hard, so like I do not know, only time will tell)

Time And The Unpredictability Of Life

Time is consistent. Predictable. I love time. :)

When life is unpredictable and agonizing, I take solace by knowing that time is none of those things, the unpredictable part, I guess it could be agonizing.

You know ever since I listened to Woods Of Ypres, and throw in a good chunk of Gojira in there. I am starting to embrace the journey, and the little things. Fuck the destination (happiness probably), when you enjoy everything around you, you don’t need a destination.

Maybe I should enjoy the fact that I am breathing sand, dust, and smog all the time! Maybe, I should be grateful that I am breathing in the first place. Something something something, “The way I see things is so simple. The fact I’m walking standing on this land”1 and we win.

Also Woods Of Ypres said:

When you want it, you can’t have it, when you don’t want it, it’s done.

2

“Well i don wani it anymore!”

Yoo Check Out This Kick Ass Sick Ass Band That I Found Though!

So this artist, has chronic Lyme disease, and they said “Fuck it” and they made robots, and the robots play the music, and the artist maybe does the vocals too, sometimes, I don’t know, and is just really cool. The band is called ELECTROMANCY

The robots play the instruments, and it’s so fucking cool! I already saw their cover of Transilvanian Hunger, plus the comedic take on the album cover! Also people were making fun of Satyra (the artist), and I’m like, my siblings in satan, have you ever listened to Goatlord? That shit is black metal comedy gold, sure it’s nice to listen to serious black metal, but I love when bands kick back and not take themselves too seriously. Oh well what do I know, I’m just a lil hevi girl… Do check out Goadlord though, have a couple of laughs frowny face!

Credits

Artists are credited in the alt text of the images. But here’s a list:

• Flesh Gollem by Four Quarters, developers of the game Loop Hero.
• Girl hugging boy is by snale.
• Girl staring blankly is by io (onisarashi).